Genuine

The word for the week is: genuine

Genuine: Actually possessing the alleged or apparent attribute or character.

I chose this word because I'm finding that a lot of the people that I thought were good honest people are filthy liars. How can you go about living with so many skeletons in your closet? I'm just really loosing faith in people. I'm so frustrated that I can't even find the words. Here's the deal: a true adult is up-front about who they are, where they're from, and where they're going. True adults don't run off to get married, start families, etc... without telling their family. It's amazing to me how many people are in there 50's and still aren't "true adults!" Grow Up!

Quirks

The word of the week is: Quirk

Quirk: 1. a peculiarity of character; mannerism or foible
2. an unexpected twist or turn: a strange quirk of fate [origin unknown]
quirky adj

I chose this word because I indulged in one of my favorite quirks yesterday! I went to the Alpine Cemetery and just wandered around, took some pictures, and enjoyed myself. Got some great pictures that I was just loving. Check it out...

This is the cemetery when I first got there.

So I'm walking along and I see this chair and I'm thinking, "What on earth? Why here?" Then I sat down in the chair and this is what I saw...

Then I noticed this weird headstone that was a kind of blue color...

Check out what was on the top of it...

I loved this that I found. It was a poem for a woman, it was so sweet...

And then I had friends join me...

I still don't know what those birds were. They were huge but I got a pretty close-up look at them and I know they weren't hawks or eagles. I thought they looked like vultures but we don't have vultures around here so I'm not sure.

Hanging around cemeteries is strange, I know. However, that's just me! I'm a quirky girl and that's just the way it is!

Perseverance

The word of the week is: Perseverance.

Perseverance: Steady persistence in adhering to a course of action, a belief, or a purpose; steadfastness.

I decided to go with the word perseverance this week because it's something that I've been doing a lot lately, even when I haven't wanted too. One of the things I hate the most is working a job where I feel like I have no clue what I'm doing. I like to be in control and on top of things. With my new job you don't just learn something new once, master it, and keep going... oh no, it's not like that. We rotate areas and each time you rotate it's like starting a new job all over again! I hate starting a new job! I've had the hardest time sticking with this and not just walking out. The thing is.... I need a job so bad! So, I've persevered and so far it's been worth it. When I get discouraged I just think of the wisdom of Dori, "Just keep swimming..."

Adversity

The word for the week is: Adversity

Adversity: A state of hardship or affliction; misfortune.

I've been having a lot of adversity in my life lately and it's really been wearing me down. I try to be a strong person but there's only so much one person can take and I'm starting to feel like I'm reaching my limit. I sincerely hope that things will start to look up for me soon.

As discouraged as I may feel I always know that no matter how much adversity I have to go through it is for the best. The purpose of this life is to be tested and learn. Sometimes I feel like I've had enough learning experiences for a lifetime but deep down I know that's not true. All of my struggles will be for my benefit in the end. No matter how hard times get someday I will look back on them and be thankful for them and what those moments taught me.

I've always loved the quote: "You can't control what life throws at you but you can handle how you react to it." My life continues to throw a lot at me and I will continue to handle all of my little and big challenges with as much dignity and grace as I can muster. I hope I don't run out of any of the two anytime soon.

Intrigue

The word for the week is: Intrigue.
Intrigue: 1. a. A secret or underhand scheme; a plot. b. The practice of or involvement in such schemes. 2. A clandestine love affair.

I am an open book, that's all there is to it. Sometimes I like that I'm that way. If you talk to me for more than 10 minutes you pretty much know who I am, I really don't hide. Sometimes though I wish I could have a little intrigue. A little something that was all mine and meant for my heart only. A secret love affair or something of that nature. Meet in secret, having something to smile about and no one else will knows why, finding new and fun excuses for your unexplained absences. All of these things are things that the really good fantasies are made of. The problem is, I'm just not that interesting. I meet people and they say, "Oh, you're a cute girl. I bet you go out on dates all the time." But I don't. Lately I have gotten more attention than normal but not dates. So, when I do find someone to date I don't keep it secret because if I did then people would think I NEVER date. Some hearts can't have everything, I guess mine is one of them.

Perspective

The word for the week is: Perspective

Perspective: a particular evaluation of a situation or facts, especially from one person's point of view.

All of our lives are governed by our perspective on things. It's a simple fact that most of us acknowledge. Two people can be tossed into the same situation but will handle it differently based on their individual perspectives. Sometimes my perspective on life sucks. Our lives are what we make them and for a long time my life was bleak and depressing because I made it that way.

Thankfully, I've been changing my perspective on life and have been making a better situation for myself. It's been an incredible journey. I've worked on realizing my talents and my strengths so I can develop and utilize them. I've been adjusting the amount of gratitude I have for my current circumstances. (It was seriously lacking) Most of all, I've been thinking about my future. All of my hopes, dreams, and plans.

Monday I had the opportunity to have some time to myself so it was up to the Mt. Timpanogas Temple for me so I could focus a little bit more on my eternal perspective. Some of you may know that I recently came back to the LDS church and it's been a very tough journey. It's right, but it's not easy. Now that I've got the basics down I recognized it was time to align my eternal perspective and start making sure my actions reflect that. Life is what you make it, that goes beyond this life and into the next as well.

Asinine

The word for the week is: Asinine

Asinine: utterly ridiculous or lacking sense.

This is my life right now. If you've wondered why I haven't been returning your calls or text messages, this word sums it up. Any activity besides reading and writing seems totally pointless and asinine! Certain people I have to deal with are asinine, certain situations in my life are asinine, certainly the traffic and stupid drivers around this area are asinine! It's starting to get to the point where I just don't even want to leave my apartment. My attitude: let the world deal with all their petty, idiotic, and pointless issues and leave me out of it! I feel like the world has gotten too caught up in the things that don't matter. We're too concerned with money, dictating to others on how they should live their life, politics (IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO YOU VOTE FOR! NOTHING EVER CHANGES!), and TV. Oh don't even get me started on TV, probably one of the most asinine things out there. If you're not watching something that helps you learn or expands your knowledge than you should turn it off and pay attention to your family! I have major issues with people who choose TV over loved ones. I remember I called one of my friends in high school to see if she wanted to go grab something to eat and hang out. Her response, "But E.R. is on tonight." WHO CARES!?! It's a dumb show, what if I died tomorrow? I know that sounds a bit dramatic but it could happen. What then? Instead of being petty, back stabbing, gossiping, rude, and tuning the world out for a box why don't we start to care for each other a little more? Don't have someone to care for at that moment? Than do something constructive. Help a neighbor, read a book, clean your dwelling space, create something beautiful, call a friend, play with your kids: the possibilities are endless. And don't spend your time worrying about those asinine things, all it's going to do is drag you down. If it doesn't matter, don't worry about it and get back to the things that truly matter. This life is too short to focus on all the negatives when there are so many wonderful things out there.

Rubicon

The word for the week is: Rubicon

Rubicon: a point at which any action taken commits the person taking it to a further course of action that cannot be avoided. A point of no return.

I decided on this word because this word sums up my whole life at this point. I have the feeling that everything I'm doing right now is vital to my future and I'm so afraid that I'm screwing it all up. I can never go back to the person I once was, nor do I want to. Not all roads lead to where I want to go so I have to choose wisely and once that course is chosen I cannot deviate. It's very strange for me to be at this point in my life. Having direction is so new to me. I have been wasteful of my time for too long, the time to act, grow, and progress is now. When I look into the future I see a lot of potential. I just hope I'm up to the challenge.

I see my life as a garden. It's lush, vibrant, and alive. However, without tending the weeds overgrow and choke out the beautiful plants that you want in your garden. So far, I have not attended to my garden very well. Only the strongest of my desired plants have been able to survive the weeds. The time for pulling weeds and planting new seeds is now. I have a lot of work to do and I can never let my garden fall into disrepair again. I am truly at a rubicon in my life. My garden will be beautiful and orderly again but there's a lot of work to do.

Vampire

The word for the week is: Vampire

Vampire: in European folklore, a dead person believed to rise each night from the grave and suck blood from the living for sustenance.

Yes I know most, well all, of you know what they are. The definition above is pretty basic. However I'm going to write a little more about what they mean to me. For me, and others, vampires are so much more than monstrous creatures who stalk the night drinking blood. They are the embodiment of all of those dark, forbidden pleasures good people are supposed to deny themselves. They represent everything mysterious and sexual. To top it off, they're immortal which is fitting because the things they represent will always be part of living in the flesh. With these wonderful bodies come desires and animal drives that are ever present. The greatest enemy to God is the natural man. Vampires take all those earthly sins and wrap them up into a pretty seductive package. I try to be a good girl but the fact of the matter is, I'm human and have these same animal desires. I read vampire novels as a way of releasing these sinful urges so they don't overtake me. Well, that's the theory.

It all started when I was 16, I was vacuuming the basement when my mother came down stairs, turned the vacuum off, turned the TV on, and told me that I had to watch the movie that was playing on cable. It was weird behavior for her, cleaning is usually priority number one for my mother, but I watched. It was Interview With The Vampire. I loved the movie and when I found out it was based on a novel by Anne Rice I went straight to the library to check it out. From then on, I was hooked. I've read all of the Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice and her New Tales of the Vampire books. Reading these novels introduced me to my first vampire love: Lestat. I love the conflicted and restless "Brat Prince." Someday I hope to take a little trip to New Orleans to attend his Ball that his fans have in his honor every year.

Then Sarah got me into the Twilight series and I was introduced to a new love, Edward. Anne Rice's style of writing was lush, vibrant, and challenging. Stephanie Meyer's was approachable with quite the knack for writing emotion so well that you felt it. She wrote Bella's love for Edward so well that many of her reader's fell in love with Edward's character because of the way they viewed him through Bella's eyes. Stephanie also made the vampire not so melodramatic. The vampire was no longer a purely evil and tortured character but a creature who was capable of having fun and relaxing a little bit. I really appreciated the new view of the vampire that she brought to her books.

There are several movies out there to be had as well. I know this seems like such a random subject but the vampire myth is definitely a part of who I am, the darker and more secret side of myself, so I wanted to share my views and opinions on the subject.

Misrepresentation

The word for the week is: Misrepresentation. Misrepresentation: to give an inaccurate or deliberately false account of the nature of somebody or something.

So, as many of you know my out-look on men right now is crap. It seems like everywhere I turn all the men I find are liars. What's up with that? I've had enough misrepresentation shoved down my throat to make anyone sick! Are there any honest guys out there? I'm starting to doubt it. Here, let me list a few examples:


Liar #1: We go out for a few months. He's one of the sweetest, kindest guys I've ever met. We decide to get married, we say the "I dos", and suddenly he's not the same person anymore. He suddenly has enough anger for several people, instead of spending time with me like he used to he's glued to the computer, I find out that he's addicted to porn, he never takes me out anymore, suddenly he's insanely jealous, he tells me he thinks his co-workers are trying to poison him, and I'm trying to figure out what is going on with this guy. Come to find out that the man is a paranoid schizophrenic. Something he hid from me very well while we were dating. That relationship ended but not fast enough.


Liar #2: We decide to make the arrangement of "friends with benefits." (I'm not proud of it now but it happened.) We agreed that there should be no emotion coming into play with this relationship. Next thing I know he throws out the dreaded "L" word (love) and turns everything upside down. I get suckered into it and think we're on our way to a committed relationship. Then what happens only 2 weeks later? "I don't think I'm in love with you after all." Then why did you tell me you loved me if you didn't? Now, his chances are all dried up with me and he's regretting it.


Liar #3: We meet and start hanging out. He hits on me heavily! I'm fresh out of high school, young, dumb, not seeing the signs. I start getting really excited that someone is interested in me and start texting him and talking to him on the phone to get to know him better. The flirting continues. We go out and he drops the bomb that he's actually married and would still be interested in going out. When I left he was wearing my drink. I realized, I never saw a ring. He's taking it off when he goes out so he can pick up on other girls! What a dog!

See why I'm loosing faith? I think it's pretty obvious!