Eyes On Fire

So this song title caught my attention when I bought the Twilight soundtrack and the song lives up to it's title. It's my kind of sexy! Check it out!

I Don't Want It To Be Over! (Insert Tantrum Here)

So I just finished reading Breaking Dawn which was, in my opinion, hands down the best book of the series. I have to admit that I'm throwing a bit of a tantrum over here though because I feel that the series should not be over. There is a whole world of possibilities here. Well, I don't want to give away anything but I also want to write a review...hmm...tricky. Jacob became one of my favorite characters in this book. I couldn't get enough of his quick wit. I've never found myself so aroused by something I read and there certainly wasn't anything pornographic in this book. It was however very hot if you have a good imagination like I do. Lots of fun new characters, sorry that's a bit of a spoiler. The ending was very appropriate, again not trying to give anything away here. I was very happy with this book.

Breaking Dawn: The End In More Than One Way.

I am a twilighter! A twilighter is a Twilight series fanatic and I'm totally one. I'm really not afraid to own it either, if it makes me a geek... so be it. Part of the reason I'm so obsessed with the books is because I really see myself as Bella and my Steven as Edward. There are several parallels in their personalities and in their relationship that make me feel like I'm reading about a fairy tale version of myself and Steven. Unfortunately, very shortly after I started reading Breaking Dawn I came to realize that the comparisons were over. Bella's doing things I hope I wouldn't be stupid enough to do and Edward is doing things I know Steven would never do. I still love the book, don't get me wrong, but it has lost some of it's magic for me. Oh well, one can't live in the land of fairy tale forever.

A Fun Weekend! Just What I Needed!

Friday night I had the great pleasure of hanging out with Cheri again. Her friend Brytina came over and we hit it off pretty quick. Then we went over to another one of her co-worker/friend's apartment's and hung out there. These were seriously some of the funniest people in the world! We went upstairs to watch these funny videos and all us girls just piled onto this guys bed. He was so excited to have 3 girls on his bed, I don't know why. It's not like we were all over each other or anything but if it makes him happy, it makes him happy. We left there at like 1am to take her friend back to her car so she could get up early to go to work. Then Cheri and I went for an early morning run to Wal-Mart. I love going to Wal-Mart when it's a ghost town! All in all, I didn't get to bed until 3:45am.

Saturday morning Steven came over to sleep in with me, I love it when he does that. I got a text message from Cheri telling me that her daughter was asking for me. It was so cute that I went over to visit her. Then Steven and I went to his soccer game. I usually don't watch his soccer games and just read on the side-lines but Saturday I was taking pictures so I actually paid attention to the game. I should have been doing this all along! It was really fun to watch. By the end of the game I was cheering for our guys and yelling at the refs with the rest of the team. Steven plays soccer with his dad, I think it's really cool that he has an activity he can do with his dad like that. There needs to be a little more of that in the world.

Saturday night we went to go see a play. The Hasty Heart and it was so good. We went because our friend from high school was in it and we wanted to go support him. The comic relief was something I really needed. Our friend did really well and I was very proud of him. Heck, Matt's just a good guy, that's all there is to it.

Sunday was a relaxing day. We sat around, watched movies, and just took it easy. It was nice.

I Love Opals

I don't know why but I absolutely love opals. I want one so bad, besides the fake one I already have that isn't near as pretty as a real one, but I don't have the money to buy myself one plus I'm sick of having to buy my own jewelery. I've actually been made fun of for buying my own jewelery. I found this wonderful web page that sells all sorts of jewelery made with precious stones including opals. On this page they have a history for all the different stones. It was very interesting to me to read that in most cultures opals were considered to be a sign of hope, love, and fidelity. They were, and still are in some cultures, given as wedding gifts with the belief that it will bring good luck to the newly wed couple. Though they lost popularity and were thought to be bad luck for several years, all because of one man's fictional novel, they are regaining popularity again. Ancients believed that they had healing powers and young blond women used to wear them believing that wearing opals protected your hair from going gray. I'm leaving a link to the website so you can read more about opals and other precious stones and shop for some truly beautiful jewelery on this website if you wish to.

http://www.jewelsforme.com/

Drive

I got to drive Steven to work yesterday and then go pick him up. I know it sounds small but I loved the extra time with him. I've been starved for time with him so finding a way to get more is always a plus. I was thinking about how nice things are in this relationship compared to my marriage. I've now been with Steven for almost as long as I was married. When I think about my relationship with my husband at about this point I was dreading spending time with him. I would find extra things to do to avoid being alone with him. Can you believe that? That's just sad. I can't imagine not wanting to spend time with Steven, it's just a foreign concept to me. I'm so grateful that I'm finally in the loving relationship that I've always wanted, and quite frankly, that I deserve.

Wendover

Steven, Phil, and I went to Wendover yesterday. We took the bus out, it wasn't bad going out but on the way back we had troubles with the bus, just delays. We lost our money, it kind of sucked to loose everything but it was really nice to spend time with them. Steven and I had a good time playing cards on the bus on the way back. All in all, I had a very full vacation. At least I got this cute picture from yesterday:

Pictures With Steven

I went and did some pictures with Steven just because I wanted to. They're not engagement pictures, I know they may look like it but they're not.
I think they're pretty cute. I'm glad we've got them done, but again, they're not engagement pictures so don't even go there!

Light Bulb Effect

So last night we had a ward pool party for FHE. It was a lot of fun, people who thought they weren't getting into the pool got thrown in, there was lots of laughing, and it was just a good night. On of my friends showed up a bit late but that's the way life goes. He started talking to this really sweet girl that I've been becoming friends with and the three of us all talked together until the end of the party. As we were leaving he asked me if I had a towel so I got him something, then he said to me about this girl, "She seems like a nice girl." I said, "Yes she is." Then he said, "She seems like a really nice girl." Suddenly, I had the "light bulb effect." He likes her! She's sweet, it's totally understandable. So now I'm interested to see if anything will come of it. I certainly hope we have a new couple alert on our hands here!

Diary of a Lover 05/17/2007

I wrote this over a year ago and it's so nice to know that I still love him just as much as I did then, if not more.

I enter my room, all is quiet now in my house and I can't help but pause for a moment to notice that the spot where he was laying in my bed is still visible. Just hours ago I was laying in his arms, happy and content; not caring that he wasn't kissing me or talking to me, I just watched him sleep. Watching him, seeming so calm, until he tries to move and the pain is visible in his face. Bad back, I wish I could fix that for him. He wakes for a few seconds, just long enough to brush back my hair from my face and smile sweetly at me. A half-awake, content smile. Every time he leaves it hurts. I love him so that I wish he could just stay beside me forever. We've always said, "If we're meant to be then we'll be." Lately it's been hard for me to just leave it in fate's hands. The thought of him walking out of my life forever causes me to experience physical pain in my chest. Is this healthy? This can't be healthy, but then again, when is love healthy? We loose ourselves in it, would do anything for it. If that's not healthy then I just don't know. I lay my head on the pillow, I can still smell him on it, the bed is still warm with his body heat. It's been hours can this be? I must be imagining it. Longing for it so much that my mind has made it up for me. Ah, love is so interesting.

He Came Back!

Steven came back last night and it was great. I was so happy to see him and what was better, he was so excited to see me. Hugs and kisses everywhere. It was a wonderful reunion and it was nice to spend the whole evening together, that's something that usually doesn't happen on week days. We watched a movie, it was nice.

I Want Him Back NOW!

Steven went away for the weekend and I want him back NOW! I'm going crazy without him! The whole situation, which I'm not going to go into, was the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. It's time for him to be home. Luckily, he has work off tonight and we're spending the evening together. I miss him too much when he's gone, it's not a good thing.

Now What?

I love my friends and would do anything for them but lately hearing about all the relationship drama has really taken it's toll on me.

When I got divorced I was so afraid to get involved in a relationship again. However, I took the dive because I wanted to be with Steven for so long. I wasn't about to let the opportunity pass me by. Even still, I was always waiting for things to go badly. I was always waiting for everything to blow up in my face like it always did. Constantly worrying about things going wrong is no way to build a relationship. I sometimes wonder if that's part of the reason why the beginning of our relationship was so rocky. We were both feeling apprehensive and it caused a lot of tension.

We've come a long way and just when I was starting to feel comfortable in our relationship all of this drama, with people I know and love, hit. Some of them thought everything was fine and then everything changed out of the blue: secrets, lies, betrayal, abuse. What's next? Even worse, who's next?

My religion teaches that faith and fear cannot co-exist. They mean in a person's soul but the same principle applies to a relationship. You've got to have faith that you can overcome any obstacle that you may have to face together, there is no room for fear. If you are constantly afraid that something is going to go wrong then you are stunning the growth of your own relationship. So now I've got to dismantle the wall my heart has already begun to build out of fear. Steven and I have a little saying and it goes like this, "I love you forever and ever and then some, come what may." I really need to start taking that to heart and have a little more faith that things will always work out for the best one way or another.

The Lucky One

Sitting in Cold Stone, looking across the table into the gorgeous blue eyes of the man I love, I suddenly realize: I'm so lucky. I truly have a best friend and lover all rolled into one. A lot of people like to believe they have this, but they don't. It comforts me so much that I don't have to hide anything from him, that he loves me just the way I am. I love that fact the we don't have "awkward silences." We never have to ruin a quiet moment with mindless chatter. It's always amazing to me how one of us can be having the most horrible day but as soon as we realize that the other person is upset it doesn't matter anymore. We concentrate on helping the other person feel better. When he looks me in the eyes I feel like I'm the only woman he sees, like no other girl could hold his attention the way I do. Lord knows the feeling is mutual. No other man draws me in like he does. It doesn't matter if we're bowling or watching a movie on my couch, we're content in each other's company. Is our relationship perfect? Heavens no! But I don't expect it to be. That's the beauty thing about it, there's room to learn, grow and progress. I'm excited to see what comes next.