Birds?

So, I've always thought birds were freaky. However, my roomy loves them so now we have 4. I wasn't sure how I was going to like it but one of them has really grown on me. His/Her name is Sidney. (It's not old enough to be able to tell if it is male or female) Sidney hangs out on my shoulder all day. I love it. I have a new friend to hang with at home. :)

Mercy Thompson Homecoming

This was my first ever graphic novel and it will most likely be my last. As much as I LOVE Mercy Thompson I'm not so much a fan of the "graphic novel." I think it was the "graphic novel" part that I had the issue with. I'm not a graphic novel person I guess. (Probably a good thing, don't want to become too nerdy.)

The Oquirrh Mountain Temple

This week I went to the Oquirrh Mountain Temple open house with Melissa and Steven. It was such a beautiful temple. We walked through like you always do, enjoying the beauty and then we headed off to a sealing room. As we sat in the sealing room listening to the couple talk about the importance of temple marriage I started to tear up. I looked around at this beautiful room and I was hit with the sudden realization of: "this is where I'm going to get married." I've always had my heart set on the Salt Lake Temple but as I sat there I knew that this temple was the one I was meant to get married in. It was a beautiful temple and I highly suggest that if you haven't gone to the open house yet you should before time runs out!

My Heart Has A Wish...

Lately I can't help but think how much I wish I had a different family. This may sound cruel but it's the truth and I can't hide from it anymore. I want a happy, functional family and though people will try to have you believe that those are rare I don't believe it. If this life is what we make it then it is my goal to create a happy, functional family for myself.

I want my children to feel like their home is their sanctuary instead of being afraid of their parents temper. I want my children to feel that their parents love them and support them and are not waiting for them to fail so they can say "I told you so." I will never treat my children like they are stupid, or tell them that they are stupid, or tell them that something is beyond their reach. I will always encourage my children's' hopes and dreams. I will teach them the importance of morality and will expect them to make the right choices. After all: "Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he can and should be, and he will become as he can and should be." --Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I will make sure that I conduct myself in a manner that they will be able to respect and look up to. I will never make them feel like they have to be the parent for me.

I will give them the appropriate guild lines and discipline. This society we live in is an absolute joke when it comes to raising children. We put the children in front of the TV and expect it to raise them and that they will turn out ok? Are you kidding me? We are afraid to discipline our children because now our children have the power and can claim they have been abused without any proof and it will work, and they know it. I hope and pray everyday that my children will have the understanding that I have strict rules and enforce those rules with proper consequences not because I'm "mean" but because I love them and want what is best for them. I walk through the grocery stores and see what kids are getting away with these days and it makes me crazy! I'm writing this for 2 reasons: 1. to remind myself of my goals and 2. so that people will read this and maybe get a clue!

I am so impressed with some of my friends that already have children for the way they are raising their children. I see proper discipline and loads of love which is what every child needs. I think that if we can remember that children are special spirits that the Lord has entrusted to our care that would make a world of difference. Just something to ponder.

DOMINATION! (It feels so good!)

I was really nervous to start my math class this semester and expected to fall flat on my face. Well... not only am I doing well I'm dominating! I've totally got this and it has helped my self-esteem in ways I never imagined. It's a good thing too because I've got a lot of math ahead of me including an accounting class. So far, I'm feeling good about it though. Steven was right, I've got this.

The Yin to My Yang?

Today I worked with a girl that was back in the lab last week so we didn't get to talk much. We totally clicked and it was awesome since that doesn't happen to me very often. It was actually weird... I usually don't go for the peppy, cutsie, super out-going, girly-girl but it's working. Maybe she's the yin to my yang...

It's good but...

So, a while ago I started writing a vampire romance novel. It's a good idea but... it's been done before...it's been done a lot actually. I haven't added to it in a while and I realized that I was simply loosing interest. Today, I started to develop a new idea for a story and it's really got me excited. It's fresh, and I've got a lot more material for this story line already. I almost feel guilty for leaving my vampire romance novel on hold for while but... out with the old in with the new!

"Girl, We've Got Work To Do!"

So, yesterday after reviewing some seriously horrible pictures of myself and crying my little eyes out I decided it's time to get serious about eating right, looking better, but most importantly: feeling better! I'm taking Metabolife, I'm going to cut the bad stuff out of my diet, and I will get my butt to the gym(the bolded words are a reminder for me). The problem is, I've never ate healthy in my life and I really don't know how. I don't know what's a good amount of calories for a meal. How much protein should there be? How much sugar is too much? How much sodium is too much? This is going to be tough. If anyone is willing to help me with this please do, I'm going to need it. Got any good recipes for a healthy dinner? Throw them my way! Got a little exercise secret that helped you take care of a unsatisfactory part of your body? Please, I'm begging you, don't keep it to yourself! I seriously need all the help I can get!

Is This Possible?

So I have seasonal depression and I've had it for a while. I used to think that it was the overcast, cold weather that made me depressed but it's been overcast and cold for a few days now and I feel fine. What? If I don't mind the overcast what's making me depressed? I thought about it for a while and realized that it's the trees and plants that make me depressed during winter. I can't stand that they're dead! The lack of green depresses me. I want things that are alive and thriving around me!

Utah is only green and lush about 5 months out of the year and that's if we had a lot of moisture in the winter. If we don't, everything dries out and dies during the summer as well. Utah is my home, it's where I grew up, and I love it but it's no good for my seasonal depression. So now what? I couldn't move, I would miss my family. Maybe I could convince them all to move to Washington with me???

So I guess I'll just have to really enjoy the green while it's here and buy a ton of house plants to keep me happy during the winter. Without moving, I don't know what else to do.

Finding Truth about Oneself in Popular Literature

Reading is a passion of mine and the thing that gets me every time I pick up a new book is how much truth I find about myself in the books I read, often the ones that I would not want to face on my own.

Many are obsessed with the Twilight series and I am no exception. The way these novels paralleled my life at the time I read them was nothing short of surprising. A young woman who does not feel she is anything special(me), a mysterious boy who won't talk much about himself, is extremely intense, and very alluring in his own way(Steven), and a fun- loving friend that makes the days short and fun who is starting to pull on the heart strings(Nathan). Reading about Bella's dilemma of being torn between these two young men like I was caught between similar young men, was weird but refreshing. I read these books and couldn't help finding myself feeling as if I were deeply involved with every individual character.

A few years ago I read one of my favorite books of all time: The Queen of the Damned. The Queen arises from her slumber to rid the world of the ultimate evil: men. The Queen tells her fellow vampire and new love, Lestat, that men are the cause of rape, war, and violence and that the only way the world could become a better place is for men to be destroyed. I held the same view at the time, which is not surprising considering the things that were happening in my life. I didn't want to be that person, even though I had justifiable reasons to be leery of men, I knew it was not healthy to want to rid the world of them. Though it was a great book that I enjoyed it scared me that reading a simple popular novel made me deal with one of my own personality flaws against my will.

In the Mercedes Thompson series I related very well with the main character. She's a spunky, independent, strong woman, which is something I like to believe I am as well. When she is raped in Iron Kissed she feels alone and defenseless, like she has lost part of her identity. I cried and cried as I read this book and relived my date rape that I have tried to suppress and forget for so many years. I understood how she felt, as though the fact that she couldn't stop it made her feel like less of the person she once was. Though I had a hard time facing my own past through this book, reading it and going through the healing process as Mercy helped me to face and come to terms with one of my darkest memories.

In Lasher we got acquainted with a character that I loved right away. A mischievous little red haired witch named Mona. Mona was independent, bold, intelligent, and not afraid of anything! Characteristics I thought I would like to possess. Then I realized that though she was fun and wild she was a little too wild, she was a downright slut. Something I certainly didn't want to be but I was starting to slip in that direction. Time for a big revaluation! Though Mona was a character that I endeared to my heart I left it at that. She was certainly not the kind of person I would want to be. Lesson learned: don't get too caught up in what you're reading.

Just now I was reading Practical Magic and a line from the book hit me like a ton of bricks(unfortunately this sort of thing happens more often than I would like it too). The line reads as follows: "Now, Ben Frye is here and in love with her and she can't even kiss him or wrap her arms around him, because she's poison and she knows it, which is just her luck." Now, I've never even met a "Ben Frye" but there are several names of nice young men that I've dated that I could insert into that sentence and it would have been about me. When I first started dating my current boyfriend I was wild and thought for sure I was going to drag him down, I just didn't have the discipline to leave him alone. Thank God I didn't, if I had kept away I would have missed out on this love that I did not believe was possible. A love that has changed me and tamed me into something that is a little more worthy of him.

So even though I have found truth in these novels about myself, I'm glad I have not let these realizations define me. I'm glad that I remembered that I am not merely a character in a book but that I am a complex human being and that I have the power, within myself, to change.