Feels So Good!!!

I'm losing weight and it feels so good! The best thing is... I'm not done yet! I've started taking some steps to lose some serious weight. It was time for a lifestyle change anyway! All and all things are going well. I'm actually starting to feel good about my life and the direction that it's going in.

The Way It's Got To Be.

So... this weekend was a real eye-opener. I've decided that I've had ENOUGH of the same guys I've allowed to jerk me around since high school. For real, I really haven't moved on from the same dating pool I've been in since high school but that's about to change. I want a guy with some real hopes, dreams, and ambitions. I look around my dating pool and there's not a whole lot of options there. Of course, if you want something in your partner you have to become it first so that is the first item on my agenda. Second item: stop being such a damn door mat! I WILL NOT be treated like a play thing for a man's personal enjoyment anymore! I AM SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT!

So, if you are one of the guys in my world right now I have some new rules for you:
1. Time with you will be limited. I will not hang out for a second longer than I want to. I don't care if you give me a guilt trip, when I'm ready to go home I'm going home.
2. There will be NO MORE PHYSICAL CONTACT! Until you can get to the point where you know me and respect me as an intelligent human being YOU DO NOT DESERVE ANY OF MY HUGS, KISSES, ETC!
3. If you call or text me and I don't respond, deal with it. 99% of you have been treating me this way so it's about time I gave you some of your own medicine.
4. I OWE YOU NOTHING! I have gone around thinking that if you've bought me dinner or taken me out to a movie then I owe you some of my time and attention even when you treat me like dirt. It's done.

This is the start of something wonderful for me, I can feel it. I've come to the point where I know eventually I can find a guy that goes from:
a. being genuinely interested in me to...
b. having a great deal of respect for me to...
c. really liking me to...
d. loving me without fear.
No more of this skittishness when it comes to commitment. I am a woman worth loving and keeping, I know that now and it's time I find a guy who can comprehend that too.

The Book of Mormon

I finished The Book of Mormon today. It took me a little longer than I had hoped but I finally got through it. It was an amazing experience that I wouldn't trade for anything. I feel like I have benefited so much from having read it and it has helped strengthen my testimony just like I knew it would. I actually had a much deeper spiritual experience with my studying The Book of Mormon but I feel like it would lessen it somehow if I typed it on the web for everyone to read. I get the feeling that it's meant to be more private.

The Yin to My Yang?

Today I worked with a girl that was back in the lab last week so we didn't get to talk much. We totally clicked and it was awesome since that doesn't happen to me very often. It was actually weird... I usually don't go for the peppy, cutsie, super out-going, girly-girl but it's working. Maybe she's the yin to my yang...

Beautitul Song

I'm really loving this song right now. I wanted to post the live version because it's amazing how well Carrie Underwood performs live and I like seeing Randy Travis sitting next to her, he's a legend in his own right.

Music IS My Life...

I have yet another song addiction! This song is probably the most beautiful thing I've heard in a really long time. This is one of those songs that I hear and think: I wish someone felt that way about me. That would truly be flattering. Thank you Heather and KJ for introducing me to this one!

It's All Coming Together!

My life is coming together so beautifully right now and I'm so happy! I'm using my unemployment to my advantage to get help with schooling. The problem is I have to do a two year work ready degree. My teaching dream went out the window and I was really sad. Then I went to talk to my academic advisor again and she noticed that when I was going to school earlier I was in the pre-secondary education program. She informed me that the degree I'm going for transfers into the Business/Marketing Secondary Education degree nicely so even though, for the time being, I just have to go for my associates degree later I'll be able to work on the bachelor's and be able to teach just like I always wanted! I was so happy when I heard the news that I almost started crying tears of joy but of course I didn't. Crying in front of people you don't know is humiliating so I contained myself. Then I got called in for an interview on campus, they wanted to hire me but since I'm not registered for classes yet they can't. I don't mind being passed on this one because the pay wasn't too great and it was part time. BUT I'm glad that my resume is looking good enough to get called for jobs and I was told that there will be more on- campus jobs opening up in a couple of weeks when I will be registered for classes so I have high hopes. I would really like to get a job on campus because it would make my life a lot easier. Sure, I can think of things that would make my life even better but for now I'm just going to be grateful for the blessings I've received!

Time To Get Serious

So, last week was an interesting week.

• Tuesday: I made a reservation so Steven and I could go to the open house for the Draper Temple, I was so excited and couldn't figure out why.
• Wednesday: The bishop and the stake president came over for a visit. It was great to be in the presence of two wonderful and spiritual people in my own house.
• Thursday: Steven and I went to the open house. I was totally overwhelmed by the spirit that I had to choke back tears, it made a very large impression.
• Friday: I started reading Isaiah and the main subject matter was: temples.
• Saturday: More Isaiah, more about temples.
• Sunday: The topic for church that day was... (drum roll)...temples!

OK, by now I know that someone on the other side is poking me and saying, "Hey you, pay attention." Just when I'm thinking this in church the bishop, who is speaking in sacrament, says, "Some of you may feel like you're a long way off from being able to go to the temple but you're not. If you want to become temple worthy and experience the blessings that come with temple attendance come talk to me and we'll get you on the right track." I swear he looked right at me when he said it and that was it for me. I decided right there and then that I was going to go talk to my bishop and work on becoming temple worthy.



My life has not been the same since. I went and talked to the bishop and he totally believes in me! Which is really nice, I needed that. I've been studying my scriptures, praying regularly, and really searching my heart and working through issues so I can truly repent and find my way to "the straight and narrow." My life has so much more meaning now and the love I have for Steven is deepening and the more I think about it the more I realize that I truly want to be with him forever. Last night we went to the open house again. Being there with him felt so right and was just what I needed to remind me that I'm doing the right thing. The future is looking good and I'm so excited for my new, more meaningful life to begin.

MY Independence Day

Some of you read that title and went, "What? Independence Day is the 4th of July." Well, that's a great holiday and all, one of my favorites actually, but MY independence day is October 1st. Two years ago today I left my husband and started a new, more independent life. It was very hard and very scary but when I think about this event one thing always comes to mind, "Why on earth didn't I leave him sooner?" A lot of people are in relationships that just aren't working but stay in them for the same reason I did: fear. It is scary to break off such a big commitment and take that unsure step into an unknown future but I'm telling you from personal experience, it's worth it. Each and every one of us deserves happiness, reach out and grab it! Take those unknown and scary steps towards it, let NOTHING stand in your way! So, here's to me and my wise choice that I made 2 years ago today! Here's to the happy future that I'm now moving towards! And here's to all the people who are brave enough to break their comfort zones in the pursuit of a happier and more fulfilling life!

Warm Welcome Back

I had a pretty good weekend but the highlight was Sunday, we'll get to that soon.

Friday I hung out with Heather. We went to Cabela's and Jose Vera's. We were going to go see Kung Fu Panda but the movie theater was so packed that we couldn't even find a place to park! We gave up on it and rented movies instead. I love hanging out with Heather, she always makes me laugh and I really need that right now.

Saturday I got my oil changed. Yeah, that cost a pretty penny since I needed a new air filter and they tried to get me to get some little extra that would have doubled the cost. When dad heard that I had them replace the air filter he got pretty mad at me. He said he would have done that for the $3 it costs for the filter itself instead of the $20 they charged me. How was I supposed to know? Then I went to my grandma's and got a new microwave stand and a vacuum. I needed a vacuum bad! Then I went to Steven's soccer game and accidentally forgot Jennika's birthday party! I feel like such a jerk! Luckily, Michelle wasn't mad at me. I can't believe I'm such a DITZ!

Sunday I finally got my little butt back in church! It's seriously been like 2 months since I've gone. It was really nice because a couple of my friends were there ready to welcome me back. I seriously felt so loved! I got lots of hugs and "Where have you been?" and "We've missed you so much!" Yeah, I felt loved and that spiritual lift is exactly what I needed! In Sunday School Amanda and I were passing this note back and forth, you know, just catching up on my latest single misadventures and laughing. After class was over the guy behind us said, "I want to read the note." Without even thinking twice we just handed it to him! I still can't believe we did that. He came up to us after church and started talking to us. I think he was going to ask me out but I was too excited to see my friends to pay attention. Poor guy, I really didn't mean to be rude and blow him off but my girls are more important anyway! I told my friend Amanda that she needed to start texting me an hour before church so I'll actually get my butt out of bed and go. She told me that she's going to make me start going to choir with her. I say BRING IT ON! It's been a long time since I've been in choir and I welcome the opportunity to sing my little heart out again. Amanda came to pick me up for ward prayer Sunday night too, that was nice. I really enjoyed it and decided that I needed to make it part of my Sunday routine. The renewed spirituality is priceless and I'm so glad that I found it again!

Magic Hands

I have a very good friend who has never had any training in massage but I'm telling you, the man has magic hands. It's funny too because he's a construction worker his hands are not soft but when he's giving a massage they might as well be velvet. Since I'm not too shabby at giving a good massage myself, we do exchanges. It works. Last night he had me so relaxed I totally fell asleep, I was out like a light. He had to wake me up so I could drive home. It was funny.

I love massage because I believe in using the power of touch to heal. Nothing helps my stress levels like a massage and it's not just working the muscles, it's the touch. It's knowing that someone is taking the time to make me feel good. Of course, I only let friends that I trust do this but I feel like it builds the bonds of friendship. People who are weird about touching other people make me a bit uncomfortable, friendships with them don't work out so well for me. I'm too much of a hugger!

Stewart Falls

The beauty of Stewart Falls...

Shower Song

Do you have a shower song? You know, one of those special songs that you always sing in the shower? I do, and I think everyone could use a good shower song. I sing my song after I get out of the shower, not while I'm in it. My song is "So Fresh So Clean" by Outkast. If you haven't heard it, check it out on youtube. It's a pretty fun song. Life's too short to not sing in the shower so pick a shower song that makes you feel good and go with it. It will help make your day that much better. So I want to know: What's your shower song(s)? Leave me a comment and let me know what you all are jamming out too while you get all fresh and clean!

"Ain't nobody dope as me I'm just so fresh so clean. Don't you think I'm so sexy? I'm just so fresh so clean. Ain't nobody dope as me I'm just so fresh so clean. I love when you stare at me I'm just so fresh so clean."

Battle Creek Canyon

Last night was the singles ward hike and since this was my idea I was in charge. It took a lot longer than I wanted it to for people to stop goofing off and start hiking but they started to follow when I simply went without them. People complained a bit on the hike but once they made it to the waterfall they were happy they came. We got there pretty late and it was kind of cool to sit there under the waterfall with the sun setting on it and chat. The hike back was a little scary since it was dark but nobody got hurt so it's all good. I was really impressed with how many people showed up too. I thought people wouldn't want to come but we had a fairly large group. After it was all said and done a lot of people thanked me for organizing it and it was nice to get a little appreciation. This was my first hike of the summer! Horrible, I know! Now I'm so ready for more hiking. I think I'll have to hit Stewart's Falls next.

So Fresh, So Clean!

Ask my mother and she can tell you, "My daughter is not a clean person. Her room/apartment has always been so messy. We just can't get her to clean...." And it goes on like that forever. As mentioned in an earlier post I went on a cleaning streak this weekend and it feels so good to come home to a clean apartment. I can't even begin to tell you how much I'm loving it. Some of you know me well enough to know that I'm pretty messy and may not believe my "cleaning story" so I took pictures. Here it is! Proof that I actually clean, and keep stuff clean, sometimes!

Exhibit A: My Bedroom
Exhibit B: The Bathroom
Exhibit C: The Kitchen

Exhibit D: The Living Room

See! I can be clean! Take that Mom!

Cheri Time

I went and spent some time with my good friend Cheri last night, it doesn't happen as often as we'd like it to but busy schedules are busy schedules. It was really good to see Cheri again. I never leave Cheri's house feeling tense or anxious, we really bring out the relaxed person in each other. I also LOVE being around a functional family, they're not many that I know of so time with one is great.

Her husband was out of town and he called to talk to his wife and daughter. Cheri put him on speaker and it was just so good to listen to all the love in the conversation. It's really fun for me to see what a good husband Brandon is, when we were in high school he was so hyper and mischievous that I always felt bad for his future wife. I thought trying to keep up with him and keep him out of trouble would be difficult for his future spouse but he's proved my theory to be wrong. He's a wonderful husband and a very loving father. Being around them gives me hope for my future.

Aysia is the sweetest little girl. She's two and she speaks with so much clarity. She sang me her ABC's and it was adorable. Cheri told me that she also sings "I am a Child of God." I thought Aysia would have forgotten who I was since I've been away for so long but when I walked in she got all excited to see me. When I told her that I missed her she said, "Miss you" and my heart just melted. She kept telling me she loved me as well. We went to the store and I was carrying her, she kept telling me that she picked her nose and tried to show it to me. It was so funny.

I really needed this time with Cheri since I've been so down lately. Hopefully we'll get to hang out again really soon.

How About An Ego Boost To Start The Morning Off Right?

So today I went to Maverick to get some gas on my way to work. When I went inside to pay the cashier the guy in front of me scooted over to gather his stuff up while I paid. He had some sort of pastry that smelled wonderful so I told him I thought it smelled good and he told me I should try it sometime. He left and I finished paying. When I was outside pumping my gas the guy from inside walked up to me and introduced himself. Then he did something that doesn't happen to me very often: he asked me out! The best part is, he wasn't old enough to be my father! (I can't tell you how many times I get hit on by men my dad's age!) I told him that I was flattered but that my boyfriend wouldn't appreciate it if I went out on a date. Then I complimented him for his tattoos, thanked him again for the compliment, and apologized for having to turn him down. He was really cool about it which made the whole thing even better. I'm certainly not looking for dates but it was nice to know that I can still attract a little attention. I think a slight ego boost is a good way to start off the day!

The Best Bath

So this weekend I got to have a truly beautiful moment. I got to take a luxurious bath in a huge claw foot tub! It was so relaxing! The best part was it was at my Uncle Mike's house in the middle of nowhere so I got to open the blinds and look out over the mountains down to the valley. No one is around for miles to peep in on me so I didn't have to worry about it. It was great to soak in a nice bath while enjoying the scenery at twilight. I was so relaxed and peaceful, it really made my day. I love those little beautiful moments that life has to offer.