A Cautionary Tale

Lately I've been wondering what to do with my life in regards to romantic relationships. I seem to be at a crossroads and I don't really know where to go. Today my grandmother called me by accident and told me of the latest news involving my family. I realized that, as always, I need to be watching the people around me and learn from their mistakes. Case in point:

There was a young woman who had big ambitions of being a police officer. She was engaged to a young man and he supported her in her ambitions. They agreed that she would pursue her dream and when the time was right they would have a modest family of 3-4 kids. They got married in the temple, sealed for time and eternity. This was something she took very serious and sought to uphold the vows she made. After the honeymoon she got a rude awakening. Her husband informed her that she would not be going into the police academy. Instead she would be a stay at home mom and they were to have 10 children! If she wouldn't go along with this he would divorce her. Because she took the temple marriage so seriously she stayed, and did his bidding.

Several years and 7 kids later it was obvious that all parties involved, except for the domineering husband, were unhappy. I have never in my life seen such a bunch of weird, sad, backwards kids. They were poor and a bit of social out casts. It was not a good time for the family. The father got the bright idea to move them to Oregon. Why? We couldn't tell. He didn't have a job for him up there but that's where he wanted to go so of course, the family must follow. The next thing we knew the wife and kids were back in Utah and the divorce was on.

Now the mother had no job skills, no education, and 7 kids to support. Though her ex-husband was ordered to pay child support, it never came regularly. The family struggled more than ever. Finally, she got a job and though they were still poor they were at least a bit stable. Kids started growing up and moving out or helping with expenses and things were gradually getting better. The next thing we knew she was on to marriage number two. He was friendly, kind, the kids loved him and we all had a good feeling about it. They got married and moved to another part of the state the very next week. We regularly got reports of how happy the new family was and were glad that they had found some peace.

Fast forward to this morning. My grandma informs me that her and her 3 younger kids are homeless and she is arranging for them to come live with her. WHAT? "Where is her husband?" I had to know and the only response I was given is, "He's gone." Of course, I want to know what happened there but no one seems to have any answers. So again, she is homeless, with no job, no hope of finding a job (especially in this economy) and kids to support.

Lesson to be learned: Get an education before you start looking for love. You never know what the future holds and having a way to support yourself is ALWAYS a good idea! Question as to what to do is solved: leave the boys alone and get your nose in those books!

The Way It's Got To Be.

So... this weekend was a real eye-opener. I've decided that I've had ENOUGH of the same guys I've allowed to jerk me around since high school. For real, I really haven't moved on from the same dating pool I've been in since high school but that's about to change. I want a guy with some real hopes, dreams, and ambitions. I look around my dating pool and there's not a whole lot of options there. Of course, if you want something in your partner you have to become it first so that is the first item on my agenda. Second item: stop being such a damn door mat! I WILL NOT be treated like a play thing for a man's personal enjoyment anymore! I AM SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT!

So, if you are one of the guys in my world right now I have some new rules for you:
1. Time with you will be limited. I will not hang out for a second longer than I want to. I don't care if you give me a guilt trip, when I'm ready to go home I'm going home.
2. There will be NO MORE PHYSICAL CONTACT! Until you can get to the point where you know me and respect me as an intelligent human being YOU DO NOT DESERVE ANY OF MY HUGS, KISSES, ETC!
3. If you call or text me and I don't respond, deal with it. 99% of you have been treating me this way so it's about time I gave you some of your own medicine.
4. I OWE YOU NOTHING! I have gone around thinking that if you've bought me dinner or taken me out to a movie then I owe you some of my time and attention even when you treat me like dirt. It's done.

This is the start of something wonderful for me, I can feel it. I've come to the point where I know eventually I can find a guy that goes from:
a. being genuinely interested in me to...
b. having a great deal of respect for me to...
c. really liking me to...
d. loving me without fear.
No more of this skittishness when it comes to commitment. I am a woman worth loving and keeping, I know that now and it's time I find a guy who can comprehend that too.

Healing the Wounded Soul

Steven's mom let me borrow this book and I'm really glad she did. It had a good message and it was very uplifting. I highly suggest it.

DOMINATION! (It feels so good!)

I was really nervous to start my math class this semester and expected to fall flat on my face. Well... not only am I doing well I'm dominating! I've totally got this and it has helped my self-esteem in ways I never imagined. It's a good thing too because I've got a lot of math ahead of me including an accounting class. So far, I'm feeling good about it though. Steven was right, I've got this.

The Fruits of DGM 1110

So, I don't feel like I'm doing so great in this class but... our first assignment was kind of fun. I had to make a collage that was supposed to be "about me." So this is what I came up with. It's kind of dumb and cheesy but it works. I'm curious to see if any of you know who is in the bubble with me.

The Book of Mormon

I finished The Book of Mormon today. It took me a little longer than I had hoped but I finally got through it. It was an amazing experience that I wouldn't trade for anything. I feel like I have benefited so much from having read it and it has helped strengthen my testimony just like I knew it would. I actually had a much deeper spiritual experience with my studying The Book of Mormon but I feel like it would lessen it somehow if I typed it on the web for everyone to read. I get the feeling that it's meant to be more private.

First Day

First day at a new job. I did a lot of paper work but it was good.

I FINALLY Got a Job!

I'll be starting at the testing center at UVU on April 13th! I'm so excited! It's about time I got a job!

Get Real People!

Last week my mother bought a Wii Fit and I was really excited to try it. Then I heard people say that it tells almost everyone that they're obese and that it heckles you and makes you feel bad about yourself so I was really nervous about it. However, I did what I usually do and tried it out to see for myself. All I have to say is...."HOLY CRAP PEOPLE, GET REAL!" It doesn't heckle you it tells you where you need improvement. I'm no skinny mini and it told me that I was only a bit overweight, which is the truth. So my guess is, if it told you that you're obese that's because you are and if you can't handle that you shouldn't have bought the thing looking to get help in the first place. I believe that your health can be handled like an addiction. The first step in recovering from an addiction is admitting you have a problem. If you can't be real about the problems your having with your weight than you're never going to improve. If you're ready to get real about your body and really work on it, I actually suggest the Wii Fit. So far I LOVE it even though there are certain things that I suck at. Get real about making a change, I think this could really help people along, it's like having your own personal trainer in your living room. Yeah, it may call me a "couch potato" but it's true and I'm ready to change that. If you're not progressing, you're digressing. There is no such thing is stagnancy in our lives!

It's All Coming Together!

My life is coming together so beautifully right now and I'm so happy! I'm using my unemployment to my advantage to get help with schooling. The problem is I have to do a two year work ready degree. My teaching dream went out the window and I was really sad. Then I went to talk to my academic advisor again and she noticed that when I was going to school earlier I was in the pre-secondary education program. She informed me that the degree I'm going for transfers into the Business/Marketing Secondary Education degree nicely so even though, for the time being, I just have to go for my associates degree later I'll be able to work on the bachelor's and be able to teach just like I always wanted! I was so happy when I heard the news that I almost started crying tears of joy but of course I didn't. Crying in front of people you don't know is humiliating so I contained myself. Then I got called in for an interview on campus, they wanted to hire me but since I'm not registered for classes yet they can't. I don't mind being passed on this one because the pay wasn't too great and it was part time. BUT I'm glad that my resume is looking good enough to get called for jobs and I was told that there will be more on- campus jobs opening up in a couple of weeks when I will be registered for classes so I have high hopes. I would really like to get a job on campus because it would make my life a lot easier. Sure, I can think of things that would make my life even better but for now I'm just going to be grateful for the blessings I've received!

Something To Make Me Smile

On Sunday we were getting ready for choir practice when I realized that our pianist wasn't there. Big problem. They sent in a lady from the stake to help us out and she told us that we didn't have enough people in our ward who was able to play piano and she would give anyone who was interested FREE LESSONS! Oh yeah, I totally jumped all over that. It will be so nice to be playing again and who knows? Maybe I'll be playing for our ward soon.

Now, the issue is... I need something to practice on. Pray that my mother is merciful and let's me borrow her keyboard. I really hope everything works out. Music is a big part of who I am and I have to admit there's been a bit of a hole in my soul since I haven't been able to play the piano like I used to. I really feel like this is a step in the right direction. Maybe playing the piano again will pull me out of my depression that I've been in lately. One can only hope!

Time To Get Serious

So, last week was an interesting week.

• Tuesday: I made a reservation so Steven and I could go to the open house for the Draper Temple, I was so excited and couldn't figure out why.
• Wednesday: The bishop and the stake president came over for a visit. It was great to be in the presence of two wonderful and spiritual people in my own house.
• Thursday: Steven and I went to the open house. I was totally overwhelmed by the spirit that I had to choke back tears, it made a very large impression.
• Friday: I started reading Isaiah and the main subject matter was: temples.
• Saturday: More Isaiah, more about temples.
• Sunday: The topic for church that day was... (drum roll)...temples!

OK, by now I know that someone on the other side is poking me and saying, "Hey you, pay attention." Just when I'm thinking this in church the bishop, who is speaking in sacrament, says, "Some of you may feel like you're a long way off from being able to go to the temple but you're not. If you want to become temple worthy and experience the blessings that come with temple attendance come talk to me and we'll get you on the right track." I swear he looked right at me when he said it and that was it for me. I decided right there and then that I was going to go talk to my bishop and work on becoming temple worthy.



My life has not been the same since. I went and talked to the bishop and he totally believes in me! Which is really nice, I needed that. I've been studying my scriptures, praying regularly, and really searching my heart and working through issues so I can truly repent and find my way to "the straight and narrow." My life has so much more meaning now and the love I have for Steven is deepening and the more I think about it the more I realize that I truly want to be with him forever. Last night we went to the open house again. Being there with him felt so right and was just what I needed to remind me that I'm doing the right thing. The future is looking good and I'm so excited for my new, more meaningful life to begin.

Unemployed

So I'm unemployed and stressing out. Poor Steven has been having to try to calm down this stress ball all week. (Seriously, send him your sympathy. He deserves it.) If anyone knows of any employment openings that I might be able to apply for please let me know. I'd really appreciate it.

Goal Restablished

So I'm finally picking up the goal of becoming a writer again. I'm reading more, writing more, and doing all those little things I need to do to get on the right track. Now, to find the time. That's the hardest part. I really need to work on my discipline and start acting like a writer instead of a dabbler.

Just The Friend I Needed.

I believe that everything in our lives happen for a reason. Events, people, relationships, moves, employment... it's all connected. Today I was reminded of that. I needed some advice so I turned to a friend that I met at work, Janessa. Recently, I came back to the LDS church and because I became inactive when I was so young a lot of the principles, values, expectations, blessings, etc. are unfamiliar to me. Plus, I'm forgetful. Janessa is very strong in her faith and a very spiritual young woman, I think that's part of the reason I seek her advice. I told her my dilemma and her advice? "Fast and pray." What excellent advice! I hadn't even thought of that option! See, I met Janessa at the time I did for a reason and I'm so thankful to have her in my life!

Perseverance

The word of the week is: Perseverance.

Perseverance: Steady persistence in adhering to a course of action, a belief, or a purpose; steadfastness.

I decided to go with the word perseverance this week because it's something that I've been doing a lot lately, even when I haven't wanted too. One of the things I hate the most is working a job where I feel like I have no clue what I'm doing. I like to be in control and on top of things. With my new job you don't just learn something new once, master it, and keep going... oh no, it's not like that. We rotate areas and each time you rotate it's like starting a new job all over again! I hate starting a new job! I've had the hardest time sticking with this and not just walking out. The thing is.... I need a job so bad! So, I've persevered and so far it's been worth it. When I get discouraged I just think of the wisdom of Dori, "Just keep swimming..."

Adversity

The word for the week is: Adversity

Adversity: A state of hardship or affliction; misfortune.

I've been having a lot of adversity in my life lately and it's really been wearing me down. I try to be a strong person but there's only so much one person can take and I'm starting to feel like I'm reaching my limit. I sincerely hope that things will start to look up for me soon.

As discouraged as I may feel I always know that no matter how much adversity I have to go through it is for the best. The purpose of this life is to be tested and learn. Sometimes I feel like I've had enough learning experiences for a lifetime but deep down I know that's not true. All of my struggles will be for my benefit in the end. No matter how hard times get someday I will look back on them and be thankful for them and what those moments taught me.

I've always loved the quote: "You can't control what life throws at you but you can handle how you react to it." My life continues to throw a lot at me and I will continue to handle all of my little and big challenges with as much dignity and grace as I can muster. I hope I don't run out of any of the two anytime soon.

MY Independence Day

Some of you read that title and went, "What? Independence Day is the 4th of July." Well, that's a great holiday and all, one of my favorites actually, but MY independence day is October 1st. Two years ago today I left my husband and started a new, more independent life. It was very hard and very scary but when I think about this event one thing always comes to mind, "Why on earth didn't I leave him sooner?" A lot of people are in relationships that just aren't working but stay in them for the same reason I did: fear. It is scary to break off such a big commitment and take that unsure step into an unknown future but I'm telling you from personal experience, it's worth it. Each and every one of us deserves happiness, reach out and grab it! Take those unknown and scary steps towards it, let NOTHING stand in your way! So, here's to me and my wise choice that I made 2 years ago today! Here's to the happy future that I'm now moving towards! And here's to all the people who are brave enough to break their comfort zones in the pursuit of a happier and more fulfilling life!

Perspective

The word for the week is: Perspective

Perspective: a particular evaluation of a situation or facts, especially from one person's point of view.

All of our lives are governed by our perspective on things. It's a simple fact that most of us acknowledge. Two people can be tossed into the same situation but will handle it differently based on their individual perspectives. Sometimes my perspective on life sucks. Our lives are what we make them and for a long time my life was bleak and depressing because I made it that way.

Thankfully, I've been changing my perspective on life and have been making a better situation for myself. It's been an incredible journey. I've worked on realizing my talents and my strengths so I can develop and utilize them. I've been adjusting the amount of gratitude I have for my current circumstances. (It was seriously lacking) Most of all, I've been thinking about my future. All of my hopes, dreams, and plans.

Monday I had the opportunity to have some time to myself so it was up to the Mt. Timpanogas Temple for me so I could focus a little bit more on my eternal perspective. Some of you may know that I recently came back to the LDS church and it's been a very tough journey. It's right, but it's not easy. Now that I've got the basics down I recognized it was time to align my eternal perspective and start making sure my actions reflect that. Life is what you make it, that goes beyond this life and into the next as well.

A Step Up

So today I found out that in 2 weeks I will be starting a new job! I'm very excited for this wonderful opportunity! I will be working at TRA Mage as a receptionist/administrative assistant/accounting assistant/fill-in shipping manager! That's a lot of slashes! At first I was feeling a little overwhelmed by all my new job duties but I'm really looking forward to it now. I know I can handle it and I could use the experience. I start on Oct. 3rd so keep your finger's crossed for me! I'm really going to miss all my friends at IdeaSphere though, just one of those sacrifices you have to make.