Some People...

So, yesterday I went to visit my friend at her work. Later in the afternoon some guy came in who looked Indian, not Native American Indian but from India Indian. The man spent a good 15 minutes going on and on about how people say that white women are so beautiful but they're not. He's saying this to two very white women. To say that it was a bit offensive is an understatement. We kind of blew it off and he moved on to talking about how skanky the girls in Utah are, he was a real charmer this one. After I had heard about as much as I could tolerate I decided it was time to leave. I said good bye to Scheli and was about to head out the door when the jerk asked me out! I chewed him a new one and left.

When I got home I posted a facebook status about it and one of my friends that I haven't seen in a long time posted, "If it's not white it's not right." I found that comment to be offensive and knew that I wasn't the only one who would considering that I have friends on my facebook who are not white, so I deleted it. The next day I logged in to find that the same person reposted the same comment! This time I sent them a message explaining how that was inappropriate and then I deleted them from my facebook.

I really wish that people weren't so hateful over stupid little things. If you're going to hate a certain group target one that actually deserves it like child molesters or woman beaters. But the truth of the matter is we could all use a little less hate in our lives and a lot more love and understanding.

A Cautionary Tale

Lately I've been wondering what to do with my life in regards to romantic relationships. I seem to be at a crossroads and I don't really know where to go. Today my grandmother called me by accident and told me of the latest news involving my family. I realized that, as always, I need to be watching the people around me and learn from their mistakes. Case in point:

There was a young woman who had big ambitions of being a police officer. She was engaged to a young man and he supported her in her ambitions. They agreed that she would pursue her dream and when the time was right they would have a modest family of 3-4 kids. They got married in the temple, sealed for time and eternity. This was something she took very serious and sought to uphold the vows she made. After the honeymoon she got a rude awakening. Her husband informed her that she would not be going into the police academy. Instead she would be a stay at home mom and they were to have 10 children! If she wouldn't go along with this he would divorce her. Because she took the temple marriage so seriously she stayed, and did his bidding.

Several years and 7 kids later it was obvious that all parties involved, except for the domineering husband, were unhappy. I have never in my life seen such a bunch of weird, sad, backwards kids. They were poor and a bit of social out casts. It was not a good time for the family. The father got the bright idea to move them to Oregon. Why? We couldn't tell. He didn't have a job for him up there but that's where he wanted to go so of course, the family must follow. The next thing we knew the wife and kids were back in Utah and the divorce was on.

Now the mother had no job skills, no education, and 7 kids to support. Though her ex-husband was ordered to pay child support, it never came regularly. The family struggled more than ever. Finally, she got a job and though they were still poor they were at least a bit stable. Kids started growing up and moving out or helping with expenses and things were gradually getting better. The next thing we knew she was on to marriage number two. He was friendly, kind, the kids loved him and we all had a good feeling about it. They got married and moved to another part of the state the very next week. We regularly got reports of how happy the new family was and were glad that they had found some peace.

Fast forward to this morning. My grandma informs me that her and her 3 younger kids are homeless and she is arranging for them to come live with her. WHAT? "Where is her husband?" I had to know and the only response I was given is, "He's gone." Of course, I want to know what happened there but no one seems to have any answers. So again, she is homeless, with no job, no hope of finding a job (especially in this economy) and kids to support.

Lesson to be learned: Get an education before you start looking for love. You never know what the future holds and having a way to support yourself is ALWAYS a good idea! Question as to what to do is solved: leave the boys alone and get your nose in those books!

Oh Ye Hypocrite!

So, I try not to be hypocritical but... in this case I am. I really hate cute dark haired girls who bleach their hair blond! Us dark haired girls need all the cute ones we can get! (Lord knows I'm not adding to the cuteness) But what about cute blond girls who go dark? How do I feel about them? I LOVE THEM! Case in point, the lovely Dita Von Teese:
ENJOY!

Knock That OFF!

The other day I went to Ruby River, love Ruby River. Anyway, I went to the bathroom and some dumb lady is on her cell phone in the public restroom! WTF!!! That is rude and disgusting! I wanted to hit her. Worst part was the first thing she said after she said hi and heard the response is, "You need to show me more respect." What a joke! I wanted to walk up to her, turn off her phone, and tell her what an idiot she was. Sadly she left the bathroom before I did. People, it is AWFUL cell phone etiquette to be on your phone in a public restroom, or any restroom for that matter. DON'T DO IT!

My Heart Has A Wish...

Lately I can't help but think how much I wish I had a different family. This may sound cruel but it's the truth and I can't hide from it anymore. I want a happy, functional family and though people will try to have you believe that those are rare I don't believe it. If this life is what we make it then it is my goal to create a happy, functional family for myself.

I want my children to feel like their home is their sanctuary instead of being afraid of their parents temper. I want my children to feel that their parents love them and support them and are not waiting for them to fail so they can say "I told you so." I will never treat my children like they are stupid, or tell them that they are stupid, or tell them that something is beyond their reach. I will always encourage my children's' hopes and dreams. I will teach them the importance of morality and will expect them to make the right choices. After all: "Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he can and should be, and he will become as he can and should be." --Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I will make sure that I conduct myself in a manner that they will be able to respect and look up to. I will never make them feel like they have to be the parent for me.

I will give them the appropriate guild lines and discipline. This society we live in is an absolute joke when it comes to raising children. We put the children in front of the TV and expect it to raise them and that they will turn out ok? Are you kidding me? We are afraid to discipline our children because now our children have the power and can claim they have been abused without any proof and it will work, and they know it. I hope and pray everyday that my children will have the understanding that I have strict rules and enforce those rules with proper consequences not because I'm "mean" but because I love them and want what is best for them. I walk through the grocery stores and see what kids are getting away with these days and it makes me crazy! I'm writing this for 2 reasons: 1. to remind myself of my goals and 2. so that people will read this and maybe get a clue!

I am so impressed with some of my friends that already have children for the way they are raising their children. I see proper discipline and loads of love which is what every child needs. I think that if we can remember that children are special spirits that the Lord has entrusted to our care that would make a world of difference. Just something to ponder.

Computer Stress

So between my DGM class, the computer system at work screwing up on a daily basis, and trying to figure out how to set up a web page, online marketing, and profiles for my dad.... I really need a break from computers. This is getting to be too much!

I Feel Like a Jerk...

Last night I got angry with my homework that I couldn't figure out and I punched a hole in my mom's wall. I feel like a jerk.

What to do?

So I'm in a tough spot... no ifs, ands, or buts about it. And the logical thing to do seems to be to move into an apartment with roommates. The problem is I'm pretty sure I was born with a warning sign that clearly stated: DOES NOT PLAY WELL WITH OTHERS! So, what's a lone wolf to do? You see, the only way I can live with someone is if I love them enough to tolerate them. (This probably comes from the fact that most of the people I've loved and lived with have also been a giant pain in the neck!) I don't love people easily enough for this to happen often. So, what to do?

How Does This Work?

The other day I was watching one of my favorite shows: American Justice. The episode was entitled: The Monster Inside (or Within, I can't remember.) Now usually when I watch these shows about a serial killer (espcially if they are a sex offender to boot) I have absolutely NO compassion for the offender... until this one. His name was Rex Allen Krebs. He had attempted to rape 2 women, raped 3 women, and killed 2 women. Usually when I see these types of offenses I feel sick and would love to see the offender taken off the face of this planet because I feel these people don't belong. Then they started to talk about his mans' childhood, his prior incarceration, and what happened while he was in prison and my attitude about him started to change.

He was severely abused as a child by both his father and his step-father. His mother sent him away and abandoned him, writing him off as a trouble-maker and something she didn't want to deal with. They talked a bit about the abuse, but I would prefer not to go into it, it's too horrible. I truly believe that the abuse he suffered as a child made him become the monster that he grew up to be.

After being convicted for rape he was sentenced to 20 years in prison. During his time in prison he pretty much begged for psychological help. They actually had official prison documents that stated this. He stated that he wanted to know why he did the things he did and that he didn't want to be the way he was. His pleas for help fell on deaf ears. He never received any sort of help for his psychological disorder but was released 10 years early due to good behavior. It was a mistake that would prove to be fatal for two young women.

Just a year after his release he attacked Rachel Newhouse. He ties her up, rapes her, and she is strangled to death while trying to escape from her bonds while Krebs is away. A year later he becomes fascinated with a young woman named Aundria Crawford. He stalks her for a few days, breaks into her house, and abducts her. He takes her back to his house and rapes her several times over the period of one day. After taking a nap on his couch he is awakened by the sounds of the girl trying to escape, in his rage he strangles her to death.

So, how much should his prior child abuse be weighed in the judgement against him? I used to say all the time, "There are plenty of people who are abused and don't go around killing people. It's NO excuse." However, this mans' case has me questioning that. How could someone go through so much abuse and not be affected? He showed remorse for his crimes and a desire to change but never had the means for getting help. This one really has me thinking. I genuinely feel sorry for this man. He plead guilty to both murders and was sentenced to death.

If you would like to know a little more about this man just click on the link:
http://maamodt.asp.radford.edu/Psyc%20405/serial%20killers/Krebs,%20Rex%20Allen%20-%202005.pdf

Get Real People!

Last week my mother bought a Wii Fit and I was really excited to try it. Then I heard people say that it tells almost everyone that they're obese and that it heckles you and makes you feel bad about yourself so I was really nervous about it. However, I did what I usually do and tried it out to see for myself. All I have to say is...."HOLY CRAP PEOPLE, GET REAL!" It doesn't heckle you it tells you where you need improvement. I'm no skinny mini and it told me that I was only a bit overweight, which is the truth. So my guess is, if it told you that you're obese that's because you are and if you can't handle that you shouldn't have bought the thing looking to get help in the first place. I believe that your health can be handled like an addiction. The first step in recovering from an addiction is admitting you have a problem. If you can't be real about the problems your having with your weight than you're never going to improve. If you're ready to get real about your body and really work on it, I actually suggest the Wii Fit. So far I LOVE it even though there are certain things that I suck at. Get real about making a change, I think this could really help people along, it's like having your own personal trainer in your living room. Yeah, it may call me a "couch potato" but it's true and I'm ready to change that. If you're not progressing, you're digressing. There is no such thing is stagnancy in our lives!

The View--Total Waste of Time!

So yesterday, for some odd reason that I still just don't understand, I watched The View. They had a guest speaker who had done a documentary about how the media mistreated Sarah Palin and her family. Interesting topic that I would have liked to have heard some different perspectives on... unfortunately I was watching The View so I didn't get to hear any of those perspectives. What was supposed to be a debate on a interesting political issue turned into a screaming match. Should have seen that coming.

Now, my understanding of The View is that it's supposed to be a show with a variety of intelligent woman with different view points discussing different issues. It's a good idea but the fact of the matter is, it's just not working. It would work if any of these women had an ounce of manners but they don't. Instead all they do is interrupt each other and yell at each other. Hello? What happened to manners? Growing up I heard all the time, "Brittany, don't interrupt when other people are talking." Didn't these ladies hear the same thing growing up? I can't believe people worry about my generation. If you ask me the older generation is a lot worse off from what I'm seeing on the television.

But really, the problem's root is in the public. If they were courteous and respectful the sad thing is, their ratings would drop. The American public doesn't want intelligent debate, they want bickering. They feel it's more entertaining and that's just the way it is. People, instead of getting kicks out of watching other people behaving badly why don't we seriously address these issues. Maybe if we did we would actually be making this nation better which is what it badly needs. Entertainment is despicable. If we want to make the world better boycott popular media. That would at least be a step in the right direction.

So Not Fair

I went to The Tavernacle with my cousin on Wednesday and, like always, I was painfully aware of how I came from the shallow end of the gene pool. My cousin is tall, skinny, has a beautiful face, naturally curly hair, perfect teeth... and then there's me. People tell me that I shouldn't compare myself to her and that "you're beautiful just the way you are." Sad thing is, I don't buy it. Whenever I look at family photos I am always reminded that I don't even come close to being as attractive as most of my cousins. Why didn't I get to come out of that better part of the gene pool?

New Job

I hate starting a new job and being the person who has NO CLUE what she's doing. I just can't wait until I have this down and I'm a pro at it. I like being the person who knows exactly what I'm doing. Hopefully I'll have this down and soon and can go back to feeling comfortable with me job.

The good news is, all the people at my new job are really nice. I've been given a very warm welcome and feel good about the people I'm working with.

Life changes are just so hectic these days! I hope I can keep up.

Some Things Are Better Left Unknown

I'm reading Black Dahlia Avenger by Steve Hodel. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Black Dahlia I'm going to give you the super watered down version: Black Dahlia is the nick name given to Elizabeth Short after her dead body was found bisected (cut in half with surgical precision) and mutilated on January 15, 1947. (Very watered down. If you are curious you can go on http://www.photobucket.com/ and put Black Dahlia into the search and it will bring up crime scene photos, I warn you, they're gruesome.)

This case has not been solved by the LAPD. As a matter of fact, they have conveniently lost evidence and interviews of certain witnesses. Got to love the crooked cops covering for their buddies.

Steve Hodel is a retired homicide detective that took the case after he found pictures of Elizabeth Short in his dad's private photo album. (He was given the photo album after his father had died.) Steve Hodel has actually collected quite a bit of compelling evidence that points to his father as her killer. After he collected all of this he wrote his book.

I've really enjoyed this book so far, there's a lot of interesting information in it. However, yesterday what I read was a bit too much for me. (That's saying a lot.) He described in detail what her killer(s) did to her while she was still alive and I was totally shocked by their brutality. Seriously, if there was any way that I could have the memory of what they did to her taken from my mind, I'd go for it. It amazes me what horrible creatures we human beings can be.

I Did It To Myself.

Today I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and the worst part is... I did it to myself. I really hate it how sometimes the right choice is also the hardest one to make. I love Steven but this isn't working and I had to end it. I think the worst part was the fact that it didn't end badly. It would probably be easier to stop dwelling on it if it had. No ugly yelling and screaming, just calm and tearful conversation. I know I hurt him and now I feel like an evil witch. I really hope this isn't the end, he knows the way to come back if he should choose to. I just fear that he won't choose to. I can't even describe how much pain I'm in right now. I haven't seen the world without a rim of tears around my eyes since I broke it to him. I just wish the pain would stop. He knows that I will love him forever, which again, is something that's just making the whole situation more painful. Why does love have to hurt so much? I may have sent him away but he's taking an awful big piece of my heart with him.

Curious Little Thing

This curious little thing I'm holding in my hand was just given to me by a vendor that came from out of state to visit us. I've never quite seen anything like it before. Have you figured out what it is yet? It's a peach! It smells delicious! I'm used to peaches being round fuzzy things. Well, this has the fuzzy part down but as you can clearly see, it's not round. The man who gave it to me told me it's called a donut peach. I like little things like this that remind me that there are so many more mysteries in this world for me to see.

Loosing Faith in People

So more and more I'm just loosing faith in people. No one is what they pretend to be and it's annoying. Sincerity, loyalty, honesty: no one believes in it anymore. It's getting to the point where I have 2 people I want in my life and that's it. That's just sad. Humans are, by far, the most monstrous creatures on this planet.

Tolerance

The other day I was laying in bed sick and when I'm sick I sit and stew about things that piss me off. Yesterday I sat and stewed about a big one. A thing I call Religious Hate Groups. Obviously, people who use religion to spread hate. It especially drives me crazy when it's Christians. The word Christian means follower of Christ. Jesus Christ NEVER advocated hate. If there was any man who was the perfect example of tolerance, He's it. He even showed compassion to the people who beat and ultimately killed Him. If that isn't tolerance, please tell me what is. So when I see a bunch of "Christians" standing on the side lines of a gay pride parade holding up signs that say things like, "God Hates You" or "Burn in Hell" or "Gay is Not the Way" it just pisses me off that people are so hypocritical!

Since Christians are supposed to by Christ-Like let's observe how Jesus Christ handled the situation when a sinner was brought before him for judgement. Alright boys and girls, whip out your scriptures and turn to St. John 8:1-11. Observe St John 8:3-5 "And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst,

They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.

Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?"

Does He make a sign that says "burn in hell?" Does He pick up a stone and start administering the law? No. He simply says "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her." (St John 8:7) Instead of condemning her, he loved her and showed her mercy. What a marvelous example. He doesn't even chide her. Then after all the people who were hoping for a bloody show leave he addresses her and asks her if any man has condemned her. When she says no he replies, "Neither do I condemn thee: go and sin no more."(St John 8:10-11) This is Christ-like behavior. This is how a Christian should act. Also, how many scriptures are there that warn us against judging others?

Another thing, why are you putting so much energy into protesting against gays? Does the fact that they're gay really hurt you? I don't think so. It just makes you uncomfortable and so you feel like you've got to act like a child and prove them wrong. Instead, why don't you put that energy into writing your senators to get more prison time for child molesters, rapists, and gang bangers? You know, the people's whose actions actually hurt you and the ones you love. Call me crazy but to me that just makes so much more sense. This rant is probably pointless. Either the people who have the problems I'm addressing here are not going to read it or not take it seriously if they do read it or the people who read it already agree with me and aren't part of the problem. I just had to get it off my chest.

What is Sexy? 11/17/2007

I just wanted to apologize to my myspace friends who have already read this, I just felt it was so relevant that it was worth posting again:

A couple of days ago I had the great misfortune of watching The Devil Wears Prada: kind of cute, kind of boring, and pissed me off beyond all belief! The thing that bothered me was the fact that you had a really cute girl, size 6, and everybody kept calling her fat. WHAT THE HELL! I'm a size 9 and I am NOT fat! Who came up with this crap? People, beauty comes in all different shapes and sizes! That's the bottom line. One of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen was not thin, not dainty, not petite. Look at Marlyn Monroe, this woman, years and years after her death is still and icon for sex. Marlyn Monroe was a size 14, people. A size 14 is now a size 8 but still, she was not some anorexic sickly looking thing that we see on the fashion runways today. Another beef I'm going to address here. Since when does sexy have to be skimpy? Some of the sexiest things I've ever seen were not skimpy. Sexy looks better when it's classy not trashy. I wish I could talk individually to each teenage girl/pre-teen girl to help them see this. Everyone who knows me knows that I love sex, I think sex is good, and is something that everyone should enjoy: BUT at the appropriate age. Our nation is over-sexed these days and it is targeted to young people. You've got 12yr old girls worrying about getting pregnant. When I was twelve, I was worried about my bike tires being flat. Young Ladies of the USA, treasure your innocence! Once it's gone you can never get it back. Don't believe that you have to be a size 4 or less to be beautiful. NEVER let a man make you feel like you are nothing but a sex toy, God gave you a mind so use it!

Please Tell Me This is a Joke.

Pregnancy pact amongst teenage girls? I really wish this wasn't true. When did teenage pregnancy become a good thing? I'm so confused!

http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1815845,00.html

This is in Massachusetts. What's going on in this state? We have schools that are making kids learn about being gay even though the parents have politely asked that their children do something else during these lessons. (Disclaimer: I have nothing against gays, I personally would be fine with my children hearing these lessons; however, I do believe parent's should have a choice on something that's a moral issue, to most, such as this one.) The courts there told them that they have no right to decide what their children learn in school. WHAT? Now in another part of the state we have children making pregnancy pacts. People who try to help the situation are treated harshly and turned away. What is wrong with this stupid state?