Saddest Memory

This weekend I watched P.S. I Love You and the movie revolved around these love letters. It made me think of one of the saddest memories I have.

I had only been married almost a year when we decided to move. The first apartment we had lived in was an apartment that I had lived in alone before we were married so I had my stuff already there. As we were moving my husband found some love letters from a past boyfriend. He insisted that I throw them away. I was devastated! They were the only love letters I had ever received and seeing as how I was now married to a man that didn't have a romantic bone in his body, I knew I wouldn't be getting any more. I begged my case to keep them, reaffirming over and over again that I had not seen that ex-boyfriend for years and probably never would again but he wouldn't let it go.

He made me go out to the garbage can that goes out on the road, just to make it final, and throw each love letter away one by one. These were very poetic and beautiful love letters and now I had to get rid of them forever. He wouldn't even let me read them one last time. He stood there staring at me coldly as I threw them away.

I cried. And I still cry about what I had to give up that day.

It was truly one of the saddest days of my life.

I have never received love letters ever again and I'm starting to wonder if I ever will. If I could turn back the hands of time I would go back to a week before we moved and hide them at my mother's house, along with the pictures of me dressed all goth in high school (he made me throw those away too).

Hopefully someday I'll get love letters again. It breaks my heart to think that on that day I was forced to throw away the only things I will ever get that gave me physical evidence that someone had once loved me deeply.