Diary of a Lover 05/17/2007

I wrote this over a year ago and it's so nice to know that I still love him just as much as I did then, if not more.

I enter my room, all is quiet now in my house and I can't help but pause for a moment to notice that the spot where he was laying in my bed is still visible. Just hours ago I was laying in his arms, happy and content; not caring that he wasn't kissing me or talking to me, I just watched him sleep. Watching him, seeming so calm, until he tries to move and the pain is visible in his face. Bad back, I wish I could fix that for him. He wakes for a few seconds, just long enough to brush back my hair from my face and smile sweetly at me. A half-awake, content smile. Every time he leaves it hurts. I love him so that I wish he could just stay beside me forever. We've always said, "If we're meant to be then we'll be." Lately it's been hard for me to just leave it in fate's hands. The thought of him walking out of my life forever causes me to experience physical pain in my chest. Is this healthy? This can't be healthy, but then again, when is love healthy? We loose ourselves in it, would do anything for it. If that's not healthy then I just don't know. I lay my head on the pillow, I can still smell him on it, the bed is still warm with his body heat. It's been hours can this be? I must be imagining it. Longing for it so much that my mind has made it up for me. Ah, love is so interesting.